Model Essay 11: Prison or Rehabilitation
Discussion: discuss both views. The question, a plan, the essay itself, and why it would score well.
Unofficial original RCF practice material
Original question and essay written by RCF English. Not endorsed by the British Council, IDP: IELTS Australia or Cambridge University Press & Assessment.
The question
Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to reduce crime. Others argue that education and rehabilitation work better.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The plan
| Paragraph | Content |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Rephrase both views in one sentence each. Position: rehabilitation for most offenders, prison for the dangerous few. |
| Body 1 | The case for long sentences, put fairly: deterrence, and public safety while the person is inside. |
| Body 2 | The case for rehabilitation: reoffending rates, literacy and job training, cost per prisoner. |
| Body 3 (short) | Where the two meet: violent offenders need prison; most offenders are not violent. |
| Conclusion | Restate the position with the qualification intact. |
The model essay
Question: Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to reduce crime. Others argue that education and rehabilitation work better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People disagree about how to bring crime down. Some want longer prison sentences, while others believe that education and rehabilitation are more effective. In my view, rehabilitation is the better choice for most offenders, though prison remains necessary for a small number.
The argument for long sentences is easy to understand. A person who is in prison cannot commit crimes against the public, and the fear of many years inside may stop some people from offending at all. Victims also feel that a serious crime deserves a serious punishment, and a justice system that ignores this loses public support.
The argument for rehabilitation, however, rests on what happens afterwards. Almost every prisoner is released one day, and the question is what kind of person walks out. Someone who has learnt to read, finished a qualification or trained in a trade has a reason not to return to crime. Someone who has spent ten years with nothing to do has none. Prison is also expensive, and money spent on teaching is usually cheaper than money spent on locking people up for longer.
My own view is that these approaches suit different offenders. A person who is violent and likely to remain so must be kept away from the public, and no training course changes that. Most offenders, though, are not in that group: they are young, poorly educated and often addicted to something. For them, a long sentence teaches nothing and costs a great deal.
In conclusion, prison is necessary for dangerous offenders, but for the majority, education and rehabilitation offer a better return for society, because they reduce the chance that the same person offends again.
Language worth borrowing
- In my view, X is the better choice for most Y, though Z remains necessary for a small number.
- A position with a limit built into it. It answers the question and leaves room for the other side.
- The argument for X is easy to understand.
- A fair, unfussy way to open the side you do not fully support.
- The argument for X, however, rests on what happens afterwards.
- Pivots to your own side and tells the reader what the paragraph will argue.
- My own view is that these approaches suit different X.
- Useful when the honest answer is it depends: it keeps a clear position.
- ...because they reduce the chance that the same person offends again.
- A conclusion that gives the reason, not just the verdict.
Why this would score well
The four things an examiner marks, and what this essay does about each. The wording of the criteria is IELTS's own and is published for candidates; the comments are ours.
| Criterion | What this essay does |
|---|---|
| Task Response | Both views are given real weight before the opinion is stated, and the opinion appears in the introduction and again at the end. |
| Coherence and Cohesion | One idea to a paragraph, linked by plain words: however, also, though. No list of connectives for their own sake. |
| Lexical Resource | Ordinary words used precisely: deterrence, reoffending, qualification. Nothing rare and nothing forced. |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | A mix of short and long sentences, with relative and conditional clauses used where they fit naturally. |
Check your own attempt
- Did you give both views before your own, and give the weaker one a fair hearing?
- Is your opinion in the introduction as well as the conclusion?
- Does each body paragraph make one point, not two half-points?
- Did you avoid inventing statistics?
- Is your conclusion the reason, not a repeat of the introduction?
- Are you between 250 and 300 words?
Use it, do not memorise it
An essay learnt by heart is easy to spot and cannot fit the question you are actually given. Take the shapes from Language worth borrowing, write your own answer to this question in forty minutes, then compare.
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