Model Essay 12: Advertising Aimed at Children
Opinion: to what extent do you agree?. The question, a plan, the essay itself, and why it would score well.
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Original question and essay written by RCF English. Not endorsed by the British Council, IDP: IELTS Australia or Cambridge University Press & Assessment.
The question
Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The plan
| Paragraph | Content |
|---|---|
| Introduction | Rephrase the proposal. Position: agree for young children, regulate rather than ban for older ones. |
| Body 1 | Why young children are a special case: they cannot tell an advertisement from a programme. |
| Body 2 | What the advertising actually promotes, and the pressure it puts on families. |
| Body 3 (short) | Why a total ban on all children's advertising goes too far: older children, and free content. |
| Conclusion | A ban below a certain age, strict rules above it. |
The model essay
Question: Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that children should not be advertised to at all. I agree with this where young children are concerned, but I believe regulation is a better answer for older ones.
The case for protecting young children is strong. Below about seven, a child does not reliably understand that an advertisement is trying to sell something. To that child, a cheerful film about a sugary drink is simply part of the programme, and the usual defence of advertising, that adults can judge it for themselves, does not apply. Selling to someone who cannot recognise that they are being sold to is difficult to justify.
There is also the question of what is advertised. Food high in sugar and salt, and toys far beyond what many families can afford, make up a large share of it. The result is pressure inside the home: children ask, parents refuse, and the argument that follows is one the advertiser never has to witness. Poorer families feel this most sharply.
A complete ban, however, would be clumsy. A fifteen-year-old can recognise persuasion and will meet far more of it as an adult; shielding them entirely prepares them for nothing. Much of the free content young people use is paid for by advertising, and removing it would simply move the cost to families.
In conclusion, I support banning advertisements directed at young children, who cannot understand what is being done to them. For older children, strict rules on what may be advertised, combined with teaching them how persuasion works, would achieve more than a ban.
Language worth borrowing
- I agree with this where X is concerned, but I believe Y is a better answer for Z.
- A precise answer to to what extent: agreement with a stated boundary.
- The usual defence of X, that ..., does not apply.
- Names the opposing argument and disposes of it in one sentence.
- Selling to someone who cannot recognise that they are being sold to is difficult to justify.
- A sentence that argues rather than asserts. The reason is inside it.
- A complete ban, however, would be clumsy.
- A short pivot sentence. Short sentences carry weight when the others are long.
- ...would achieve more than a ban.
- Ends with a comparison, which is stronger than ending with a repetition.
Why this would score well
The four things an examiner marks, and what this essay does about each. The wording of the criteria is IELTS's own and is published for candidates; the comments are ours.
| Criterion | What this essay does |
|---|---|
| Task Response | To what extent is answered with an actual extent: yes below an age, no above it, with reasons for the line. |
| Coherence and Cohesion | The paragraphs move from the strongest ground, to a second reason, to the limit of the argument. |
| Lexical Resource | Topic words used naturally: persuasion, regulation, directed at. The register stays even. |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | Relative clauses and a conditional (would be clumsy, would simply move) used for hypothetical results. |
Check your own attempt
- Did you say how far you agree, rather than only that you agree?
- Did you give the other side a real argument, not a weak one chosen to knock down?
- Does your position stay the same from the introduction to the conclusion?
- Did you avoid inventing percentages?
- Are your examples general rather than about your own family?
- Are you between 250 and 300 words?
Use it, do not memorise it
An essay learnt by heart is easy to spot and cannot fit the question you are actually given. Take the shapes from Language worth borrowing, write your own answer to this question in forty minutes, then compare.
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